As many of you know, I am a licensed therapist and counselor and have a doctorate in social work. For a long time, mental health has been my life. When both of my twin boys were diagnosed with autism, I knew that I would be using all of my professional knowledge in my own parenting, while also pulling in other professional help.
Being able to stay calm when others around me were not grounded, was something that I did for my professional life for a while. It was part of my roles to provide that safe space for others to not be ok for that moment. It can be hard when it is our own loved ones though!
So, let's jump into how to stay calm in moments where others are escalated.
Weekly Tip
Remind yourself: we can not control how other people think, feel or do.
This includes our loved ones and children!
We can only control our reactions/responses!
Ok, great, what does that mean?
Well, it means that we have a choice to... scream with them, tell them to "calm down!", leave the room, etc.
What are you there to do? To provide a space?
To help them calm down with you? (We can't help someone regulate if we are dysregulated ourselves!)
To escalate them more?
Most of the time, we are there to keep the other person safe and to provide them a safe space.
So....
Take 3 deep breaths first.
Feel your feet on the ground as you stand.
Focus on a color that you can see (What colors do you see in the room?)
Remember what you are there to do!
And Tell yourself the little mantra "I can only control ME."
Also, remind yourself that escalations. do not last for ever!
I know it can be easy to forget that fact when we are in the moment.
Deep breath- you got this!
The weekly Therapist Mama Bear Tip:
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