Let’s talk about stigma

What is stigma?

It is basically a negative belief that society, or certain groups of people, have and can lead to discrimination. Stigma makes it hard to connect with others and really understand others.

Both mental health and autism has stigma attached.

For example, a stigma towards mental health is that people who seek help for their mental health are weak.

Let's break this down a bit...

If you have ever been to therapy, you will know that it is HARD. What we do in therapy is that we go to our darkest moments, thoughts and feelings and face them. Do you know how hard that is? To really allow ourselves to feel. To speak about our darkest moments. That takes courage.

Then, talking about change. Working to change our habits, and ourselves. Is very hard!! So how can it be that people who seek help are weak? Absolutely false.

Unfortunately, this stigma keeps many people from reaching out for help. Stigma says that speaking about our feelings and inner workings are not ok. We need to push it down, down, down...

And when we do that, it makes us worse, worse, worse.. many times, we end up blowing up.

Because just because we don't talk about something, it does not mean that it isn't there. So pushing it down is kind of like... putting a lid on a pot that has a fire underneath it. What will happen? That's right- it will over flow if we continue to keep the lid on it!

Autism also has stigma attached to it.

For example, the stigma may be that individuals with autism are "weird" or that children just "need a good spanking." Or that individuals on the spectrum will "never be fully functional."

Let's break this down a bit...

How would it feel to be told that who you are, just by being you, is not acceptable socially? How awful is that?

Every single person has difficulties and strengths. Whether that person has a diagnosis or not, that person ALWAYS has difficulties are strengths. That is like saying, "all people with brown eyes are weird." That does not make sense, right? So, to point out a group of individuals and putting them together, saying "oh, this must be the case" does not make sense either.

I look at my twin boys as the perfect example for this.

They are 7 years old.

One of the boys struggles with using his hands and feet when he is upset. He "explodes" and shows his frustrations externally.

The other boy struggles with internalizing when he is upset. He tends to scratch himself (usually at his eczema), gets quiet and retreats. He can also cry.

The boy that externalizes, is amazing at math. When he was academically tested for his triennial IEP when he was 5 years old, the person who tested him stated that they have never, in the multiple years that she has been doing these tests, has a child went as high as he has in math.

The boy that internalizes, is amazing at art. He creates using legos (he loves legos), paints, uses the drawing board, draws, does origami and more. His art work is better than I can ever do, for sure! He also loves creating and gifting others.

They are also both extremely loving- gives lots of hugs and kisses, is very empathic, and cares about others. If someone is hurting, they are the kiddos that will ask "are you ok?" and offer hugs.

Breaking down the "spanking" idea...

Spanking may help to stop a behavior due to fear. However, many times, it does not, and, it is telling the child or person that they need to put a lid on the pot (as above).

How would it feel, as an adult, if every time you expressed your anger or frustrations, someone who you love and care about, came and hit you? No one would like that. So, what makes it ok for us to do that to others?

So, with all this in mind... let's jump into the Therapist Mama Bear's weekly tip!! This weekly tip may be hard to do! AND.. I believe in you!