Let’s talk about how to respond when someone looks down on us or loved ones

(Note: thank you, @Vini.oktorina for this week's topic!)

"Why are you like this?"

One of my client's mother would say this often to my client.

I witnessed how it impacted my client, as a therapist. I spoke with the mother multiple times about this- she wasn't a bad mom and she wasn't trying to be mean or rude. She was not trying to be unaccepting. However, to her child, that is how it felt. We chatted about how she would respond if someone else said that to her child.

"I would fight them," she said with pride.

We then chatted about how we talk to our children matters. If we would not be ok with others saying it, it is a good idea for us not say it either.

We also talked about how to respond in those moments.

The big thing is to think... what do I want to accomplish?

Do we want to spread acceptance and awareness?

Then, we can educate. I simply share that I have ADHD and what that looks like for myself. Or that my boys are on the autism spectrum (or are autistic) and share what that looks like for them. And how it is different for each person and how we can support others by getting to know their difficulties and their strengths.

Are we tired of educating and fighting?

I get that too. Then, we can walk away. We don't have to respond! Sometimes, simply walking away takes the power away from the situation.

Do we want something simple to say but don't know what to say? Or it isn't realistic to literally walk away?

This is when the broken record technique comes in handy! Think of a simple thing to say, such as "I am not comfortable speaking about this with you." And only say that to whatever that person says!

Sometimes, others may mean well but it doesn't feel that way. I get that! But yelling or raising our voice usually does not get our point across either.

and that is what we (usually)want! To be understood.

So let's jump into this week's Therapist Mama Bear tip!