Thank you, Soraya, for the idea!
When I was in my masters degree, I worked as a Therapeutic Behavioral Services (TBS) specialist. I worked with children who had severe behavioral health needs where their placements were being threatened due to the behavior. The placement could be home, school or community (For example, being at risk of going to juvenile hall/psychiatric hospitalization). I worked closely with the therapist, as well as school officials, family members and of course, the client. I would meet with the client 3-5 days a week, 2-4 hours at a time.
One of the things that I always made sure to do, which helped often, was to always come from a place of empathy and curiosity.
Let me give you an example.
Let's say a child is throwing things, yelling and screaming at you. It is easy for us to become escalated too. It is easy to think to ourselves, "they shouldn't be doing that. Ugh what a brat!"
That is responding without empathy.
If we were to be empathic and curious, we could look at... what is happening? Oh, they are frustrated because they feel that they are not being heard. What can I do to help them feel heard?
That usually helped me to intervene in a way that was helpful, instead of hurtful.
I also usually do a quick Functional Behavioral Analysis (FBA)- in other words, what is the reason this is happening? (I can do a full post about FBA if it would be helpful- just let me know!)
After being a TBS specialist, I became a therapist, and a few years (and a different job and multiple phone calls) later, I was a TBS coordinator (a supervisor for TBS specialists). I use a lot of those skills to help de-escalate. I look at the functions of behavior and I then put emotions into it. What is the function of this behavior? WHY is this behavior happening? What emotions are they feeling? How can I help to decrease the frustration? What are they frustrated about? How can I assist?
Also: There could be multiple reasons for behaviors happening! This goes for anyone- children or adults! (Sometimes, I do this with myself to help ground myself too :))
So if you are trying to help de-escalate, here are some things you can try:
1. Take a moment to ground yourself! (Take a few deep breaths, remind yourself: Stay calm)
2. Start from a place of empathy and curiosity. What is causing this behavior/situation/emotion? What do they need in the moment?
3. Explore: What can I do in this moment to assist? How can I give them what they are looking for? (or can I?)
4. Implement!
Reminder: Safety is important for everyone involved.
So let's jump into this week's Therapist Mama Bear tip!
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