For the past 3 weeks, we have chatted about communication styles.
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A quick reminder. Aggressive communication tends to start with "you", tend to be loud, and cut off the other person while they are speaking (so not listening).
The image that I have a cactus
For passive communication, the person does not say anything, or when they do, they just say "sure" and not really express what they are actually thinking/feeling.
They tend to be quieter, and shut down.
The image in my mind for this communication style is a wall.
The third type is called passive-aggressive communication. For passive aggressive communication, it is kind of a blend of passive and aggressive communication.
Basically, the person says things in a round about way...
I imagine a mask... we don't know what is behind the mask!
What do you think the last communication style is? If you said, assertive, you are correct!
So, the fourth type is called assertive communication. With assertive communication, there are several basic rules/agreements:
The basis of assertive communication is:
1. Respect for OWN feelings and wants.
2. Accepting responsibility for OWN feelings.
3. Respect for the other person's feelings and wants.
4. NOT accepting responsibility for another person's feelings, wants, words, etc. For example, when people say, "you made me feel upset." That is NOT accepting responsibility for their own feelings.
The con is that it is hard to do and takes a lot of practice and patience! It is SO hard to be assertive, especially when we are used to other types of communication!
However, the big pro is that it facilitates connection and actual communication.
The image that I have is two hands reaching out to each other, with open palms.
Can you think of any other pros and cons to this communication style? :)
Next week, we will talk about how to assertively TALK and some mistakes people make when using the skill!
Until next time, for now, let's jump into this week's Therapist Mama Bear tip!
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