Last week, we chatted about managing expectations towards ourselves!
Let's now chat about how we can manage expectations that we have towards others!
When I was younger, I used to get frustrated towards others when I felt they weren't doing what I felt they "should" do. As I got older and went through my own healing, I've gotten a bit better at stepping back and acknowledging that everyone is different- and that my view is not necessarily always correct.
So... how can we manage our expectations towards other people?
This is an example that I like to use quite often. I call it the "baby-quadratic formula".
This is how it goes:
When a baby is born, is anyone asking, "why is this baby not pointing to people around the room and saying, "mommy, daddy, doctor, nurse", etc? No, everyone is happy that the baby has been born.
Now, let's say the baby gets older and starts to babble. Is anyone saying, "why isn't this baby saying their ABCs and numbers?" No, we're just happy that they are babbling.
Now, let's say the baby takes their first step. Is anyone saying, "why isn't this baby running a marathon?" No, we're just happy that the baby took their first step.
Now, let's say that the baby starts saying their ABCs and numbers,. Is anyone saying, "why isn't this baby using the quadratic formula properly or creating sonnets?" No, we're just happy they are able to say their ABCs and their numbers.
Now... let's say for a second, that you DO think that the baby should be able to point to people around the room and name them, say their ABCs and numbers, run a marathon, use the quadratic formula and write a sonnet at the times that I mentioned above. How do you think that you would feel? How would the baby feel? Probably frustrated. And maybe, the baby (and you) would feel that the baby isn't good enough, whatever they do.
It's kind of like that with people. Not everyone has the same strengths and weaknesses as we do. Not everyone develops at the same time. Not everyone is ABLE to do things at the same time (or ever!)
So... When you notice yourself getting frustrated with other people, ask yourself, "am I asking a baby to do the quadratic formula?" In other words, "am I asking this person to do something that is out of their abilities?"
Quite a few times, the answer is "yes"!
With this in mind, let's jump into this week's Therapist mama bear tip!
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