Have you ever had someone that you thought was a great friend? And as time went on, for whatever reason, the friendship doesn’t work out?
I have had a few. There’s one friend- whose friendship fizzled out that I still think about often. He was someone that supported me through my trauma, and also through my journey of figuring out what having ADHD meant to me. He was someone that would listen to Me cry for hours, tell me that I have him, and would love me for who I am. We stopped being friends because he decided to- I can’t really go into the reasons, because to be honest, I’m still not 100% sure. There are moments where I definitely mourn that loss, to this day, even though it has been about 20 years since we last spoke.
One thing that helped in the grief of losing a friendship was acknowledging and appreciating what it DID bring. For me, he brought me love, and joy. And safety. He helped me through so much, that honestly I can never repay him. Even though we may never talk again (and he’s stubborn so I doubt we ever will), the love, joy and safety that we had with each other, isn’t a lie. He showed me that there ARE people in the world that will love others and will be a safe place. That’s a lesson that I needed at that time.
It also can be helpful to acknowledge the feelings-comfortable or uncomfortable. It’s acknowledging the joy and pain that is side to side with each other. I miss him, so much, but also respect that he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore.
I also acknowledge that my gratitude for the friendships that have lasted through my years- I have been best friends with my best friend for over 30 years! It’s funny because she doesn’t like kids, but she loves my kids in her own way- because they are her nephews. I call her my twin, even though we’re actually a year apart. She’s someone that has made me, me, and I am so grateful for her. I truly would not be myself without her and for that, I am grateful.
With this in mind- let’s jump into this week’s Therapist Mama Bear tip!
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